Crazy Commercials
by Stuckiesama
Summary: Our Gravi. cast does a few commercials. MWAHAHAHA! One shot. Rated M to be safe. Redone for horrible grammer, totally messed up sentences, etc. But I think it's okay now. Not the best...but okay.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the characters in it. I also don't own any of these products I am about to speak of…even though they are made up…thank God!**

**I redid this because I have been writting more and when I reread this story...all I could say about the grammer and such is..."What...the...fu#?" hehehe. **

Knock! Knock!

Yuki, who was sitting in his living room, waiting for Shuichi's commercial to come on, got up to answer the door.

"Hello, Erie! May I come in?" Tohma asked.

"Yeah…whatever!" Yuki said and let the man in and went back to the couch with Tohma trailing behind him.

"Here it is!" Yuki said. He had no idea what Shuichi's commercial was going to be on and that other band members of both Bad Luck and Nittle Grapser had done some also. Shuichi wouldn't tell Yuki because he was embarrassed about it…which is why he didn't know. Yuki took a drink of his beer and just then, Shuichi's commercial came on.

"_Hemmoroids are a pain in the ass!" _Shuichi said into the camera on the commercial. Just then Yuki started spit out his mouthful of beer with great force and burst into hysterical laughter which shocked Tohma all to hell for a moment until he remembered that the commercial was still on. _"Ever feel like you're sitting on a gumball sized ball of itching powder?" _

"HAHAHA!" Yuki kept on laughing while Tohma inched away from Yuki as he at the same time tried to suppress a laughing fit. _Shuichi held up a tube to the camera with a smile. "Try Hem. Paste…" _

"Oh God that's gross…hahahahahaha" Yuki says while laughing still. Tohma is seriously freaked out now by Yuki's behavior. _"Just apply Hem. Paste to your hemorrhoid and watch it shrink within a matter of 5 minutes!" Shuichi can be seen sweat dropping. _"….HAHAHAHA, WHO WATCHES THEIR ASS FOR 5 MINUTES? HAHAHAH!" Yuki cried as he tried to control himself; he was unsuccessful of course.

Suddenly the commercial was over and another one came on. _"Tired of losing your heads natural source of warmth?" Hiro said into the camera. _Yuki's laughing started to die down and he started to check for baldness as if Hiro was talking directly to him. Tohma checked his head as well! _"Have I got the prefect solution for YOU! No More Bear, There! As provided by the number one selling hair care products in Japan…the brand named 'Strand.' Just spray the hair on and in a matter of 2 minutes…you have hair again." _

"That crap doesn't work!" Tohma blurted out. Yuki looked at Tohma suspiciously and finally figured out why his brother-in-law always wore that hat. "Not that I've tried it!" Tohma sweat-drops.

"_And for longer lasting results…try 'Glue You!'" _Hiro walks over to a demonstrators head. _"Just paint the adhesive onto the bald spot…" _Hiro paints it on. _"…and then spray!" _Hiro sprays the hair. _"Keep in mind to stand back at least a foot away…you don't want any of the hair to come flying back at you." _Hiro says in a dry tone as he faces the camera and now has 'No More Bear, There' hair all over his face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Yuki cracks up again. Tohma couldn't help it and started to laugh in the same manner as Yuki.

Suddenly…another commercial came on.

"_Isn't feminine itch a bitch?" _Noriko said into the camera as if she is passionate about the upcoming subject._ "Well I have the perfect cure for that!" _Noriko holds up an aerosol can of 'B-itch B-gone.' Ryuichi steps into the cameras view.

Both Tohma and Yuki's laughing fits came to a complete halt and were now staring at the t.v. in utmost confusion.

"_Wow, Ukai…does it really work?" _Ryuichi asks in an upbeat tone. _"Yes it does my good man! Observe!" _Noriko walked over to a model of a…womans sexual organ…and sprayed the model with the B-itch B-gone. _"Wow, Ukai…that's nifty! Can Kumagoro try?" _

"_No, my happy little singer man. But all women around the world should. So if you have feminine itch, and nothing is working WHICH I KNOW IT ISNT…buy a can of B-itch B-gone. Located at any drugstore near you."_

Tohma and Yuki are still confused as to why Ryuichi was in the commercial.

Uh-oh! Another commercial.

"_Are you tired of being hung-over?" _Suguru asked the commercials audience as he laid across a bed with tired hung-over eyes and a beer bottle prop at his side. Suddenly he jolted up as if something had scared him to the point of total consciousness and great stamina. _"Well I have the greatest solution for that!" _he shouted into the camera as if he was in a game show. _"It's called, 'Hung-well!'"_

O..O -Tohma and Yuki.

Both men start breaking into hysterical loud laughing fits again and end up spilling their drinks on the floor but were laughing to hard to care.

"_Hung-well is a chaser type pill that you take after you have had too much to drink, unlike the other ones that you have to take before you drink. So make sure you don't pass out before you take, 'Hung-well,' the leading chaser brand in all of Japan. _

Tohma and Yuki are still laughing as hard as they ever have in their lives when a last commercial comes on.

"_Are you sick and fricken tired of those derelict bastards trying to break into your homes and steal your possessions in which you have worked your ASSES off on trying to gain? Are you women of the world tired of greasy, dirty, scumbags from the pits of hell type of men, always tryin' to 'GET SOME' without permission? I know you are! Don't even fricken deny it, girls!" _K said into the camera with a dry, cold, evil tone as he death glared it down. The camera could be seen slowly backing away from K who was at the same time, walking towards it slowly while holding his rifle at his side.

Tohma and Yuki both stop laughing. Yuki raises an eyebrow. "That's Shuichis manager? I'll never rush him out of the house to get to work again." Yuki said still staring at the evil band manager on the screen, in slight fear although inside he was shaking like a plane going through turbulance. O.o

"Remind me to give him a raise!" Tohma said. He suddenly felt a rush of fear go through him that if he didn't give K a raise…he wouldn't live to try that 'Hem. Paste,' product. Or worse…K would make him brush his teeth with it. O..O

"_Try our new product, 'the Bat!'" _K said in a sly tone.

"What the hell kind of name is that?" Yuki asked. Suddenly he felt afraid that K heard him through the t.v.

"_This baby here…" _K said while holding up a bat after putting his gun in its holster behind his back. _"…is spiked with heels from those forever dangerously designed high heels that you women love wearing, along with the nice addition of pepper-spray that you simply release by pushing this button here." _K said while pointing to the button._ "...And if that don't take the bastards down…proceed to use the mystery attachment located here…" _K said pointing to the tip of the bat. _"…it's the 'You're Gonna Get Phucked Up By My Bat,' attachment. All you simply do is push this button here and the foot long blade erects out of the tip of the bat like this." _K said and then pushed the button with the bat pointed at the camera man who is still backing away.

Tohma and Yuki both flinch backwards at this action, at the same time.

"_S-s-sir, w-w-what about the extra m-m-mystery attachment?" _Sakano asked who is now in the camera's view. _"Ah-hah! How could I forget?" _K said now pointing the bat at Sakano who is now sweat-dropping, just as bad as the camera man was.

Yuki & Tohma sweat-drop.

"_For those of you who just can't seem to get those runts to back off after you have stabbed them, heeled them, and sprayed them, kicked them, punched them, twisted their puney little nipples off…simply just push this little switch and voila. The man is finally down!" _Camera shows a shot of Sakano who is now unconscious on the ground. Camera points back to K. _"It's the 'Tart Fart!'"_

Yuki and Tohma want to laugh hysterically but just can't for some reason.

"_This handy dandy little switchy thingy releases the most smelliest, potent, discusting smell of farts that you could ever imagine." _Suddenly the camera man falls to the ground unconscious. K lays on the ground to face the fallen camera. _"As you can see…it works on everyone…" _K looks at himself. _"Well…almost everyone." _K shoots camera. Camera has ceased its broadcasting.

120 very quiet seconds later…

"So are you hungry Tohma?" Yuki asks Tohma.

"Starved!" Tohma replies with wide eyes, still.

Reviews?


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